Friday, August 28, 2015

Cocoon

In the Name of Allah,The Most Merciful and Most Compassionate

Practicum Phase 2. Smile, breathe. I'm alive, yeah. Alhamdulillah.

Thank Allah, I survived. :)

I am now tasting (what a weird vocab, sorry for that. It's merasai in BM lol), the real tough, rough, harsh and mean life. Above all, Allah is there for me - now and then, forever, and in believing that, I feel like I can live for  a long time. Don't get me wrong, I didn't mean to say that I am certain till when I am going to live - but it's a way of expressing my gratitude to Him, that without believing in faith, I think I am already dead by the burden of work I am having right now. I work like a horse, barely have a good sleep, went to school with panda eyes, been observed in the classes by the lecturer and teacher 3 days non-stop, have tuition, training and private tutor time some more during preparation classes, lesson plans, teaching aids, plus non-stop school programmes and  bringing students to various places for lots of reasons, and.. and I couldn't list everything else. Just too much. That says for work - other matters are all around the corner waiting and coming approaching - and which, for a little moment in my life, I came to a narrow-minded conclusion, I'm not ready to be an adult. Haha.

Life is harsh. Being a teacher is hard, yes. Thanks to all of my teachers - for every little thing u did to me, I can feel them now. I can see why excellent students refused to be a teacher, even if you're brainy, without courage and patience and passion and love and consideration, you wouldn't make it. Dealing with kids and their parents are way more challenging than dealing with adults or machines. Different. Very. What more dealing with special kids. I run out of tissue when I cried while facing hard times with them haha. They're cute but for that cuteness, I have to pay more than anyone else. 

When I expect less, I'll be at ease because less is always more. In fact, I have to alwayssss set my expectation at the lowest point. What do you expect from teaching a multiple handicapped child.. I can say that I expect he can managed himself by the time he reached 12, but that alone seems impossible. What else to do then? All you have to do is love, unconditionally. Accept just how he is. Just love him. He is one of a kind that would be accepted into Jannah for sure. Anak syurga. Believing in that - I cried. :) Allah has created him like that for reasons. Oh, I don't resent of being a teacher. No. I'm just sharing the small pain of one month and a half experiencing the life of a teacher. 

Somehow, kids are the antidotes of the pain they made. 

True. While I struggled like mad of trying to solve one problem, they could cause another problem right away. Sigh. Why are you guys doing this to me T.T I think I won't grow up as an adult if I choose to be a teacher forever haha. I remain in my youth lifestyle hanging out with my little friends, drinking Vitagen and watching cartoon during Saturdays and do homework at night. Nice. It feels like taking care of too many siblings at a time. 

And, I know that there could be a problem while dealing with a relationship while working. Some says that, when you have a family and kids, work is a rest. Hmm, that could be true. Dealing with stress ad relationship is a mess. Really need to work that out. In the future, things could get worse than I can ever imagine. I am still not prepared for the worst. My bad. People at my age usually are thinking of a good relationship, balancing their work with their relationship and looking forward to settle down. Me? No way. Haha. I can't even think about it. Too busy to even be bothered with. Suits me, a heartless teacher who lives in a cocoon. Soon to be a 5 days-worth-living-butterfly at school then sleep in my cocoon for 2-days. And the cycle rotates every week. Haha, joke. That's why knowledge is important. Knowing that there's so many hardships are coming thru, by having, understanding and practicing religious knowledge, we'll survived no matter how. And for that matter, that requires a lot of sacrifices. Gain knowledge and learn to give more, is what I'm trying to do. Which is not as easy as one could think of. Easier said than done. Yeah.

Life is an open door to a new chapter of life. Being a student, i learn to become a teacher, being a teacher, it leads me to another brand new thing of life, and living in this life - it develops me into a human being. Alhamdulillah, I can still benefit others. The best human of all is the one who benefits others right. It's a hadith :) Thinking and relating to that hadith also soothes away my pain, every problems seem so small when you believe that Allah is near, He is watching.

Kata Imam Syafie RA : "Siapa yang tak sanggup menahan lelahnya belajar, maka dia akan merasa peritnya menanggung kebodohan"

There's a price I have to pay for learning. It's never for free.

Syafa himnaeseyo, Syafa gwenchanayo ~~

Conclusion, I need a vacation (even tho Malaysia currency is dropping, Singapore seems so near to JB, so, I'm not wasting this chance away,baby haha)

Thanks Albus

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