The Healer

My photo
23, happy and contented. Future nation's hope.

Thursday, November 17, 2016

Pen

In the Name of Allah,The Most Merciful and Most Compassionate

(While writing this post, I cried my eyes out..huu)

I was watching a drama, and came across a touching scene. To the point that I cried, remembering my situation, years ago. This scene is about a conflict of a middle child. 

The misery of being the second child was always like this. Middle child all over the world would know, for the eldest, it was because they're the eldest, for the youngest, it was because they're the youngest. And the middle would have to give in to them. 


There was a time when I got so jealous over my siblings, and i felt like my parents gave them more and it's unfair. I wrote a stupid letter (ya ya, i love writing letter..i'm jiwang kinda perso like that..haha), and confessed how i felt bout that..i even asked if i were really an adopted child coz i look so different from the other two siblings..My father read that and he felt devastated. Devastated! I tell you..that was the first and the last time ever, I saw him showing his sad face to me. I can still remember his sad face..it breaks my heart into pieces every time i remember it. Being the child who acted without thinking, I felt really guilty but at the same time feeling satisfied because I had delivered my honest feeling to him. Haish. And..the next day, after coming home from work, he bought me a multi-colour-pen-in-one and left me a note. Err, I've lost the note but the message sounds like this..

You're my precious daughter. I love you all the same. I am sorry if you feel sad if I give something to your brother or your sister. There will be times when I will give something to them, and there will be times when I will give something to you.. Don't be sad. I love you. (nangis T.T)

Ever since that, I tried to understand them. And I always tell myself not to get jealous any more..parents won't give all of the siblings the same thing. They give what the child needs at that particular time. My mom told me once that my younger sister was jealous over me and said,"Ibu sayang kakak lebih!". Hahaha. Just because my mom bought me some necessities before i entered my boarding school. She was a lil cute bubbly 9 years old girl. I got jealous when i was her age too ^,^

It's true.. my dear darling parents tried their best to complement our needs. And what we, the children, should never forget is that, every dad and every mom doesn't automatically become dads and moms the moment we were born. They're learning and trying to be best version of ideal dads and moms they could be. 

The most wonderful  habit that my parents have is that, they listen to their children. Each one of them. And instead of getting angry, they explain in the nicest way of why they're doing that. They give rationals to their actions. And that will make their children think and understand the situation better. 

Seeing them being the best version of an ideal parents to me and my siblings, makes me nervous and worry. 

Can i be the best version of an ideal daughter to them? 

Can i really take a very good care of them when they get older, just how they took care of me..just how they took care of their sick parents?

I'm scared. Really.

I don't know if I am being a good daughter to them, but I need to. I have to. They need me as much as i need them. And even when they leave the world for the hereafter, they still need us, the children. I appreciate them so much, and I really put a great effort to make them feel happy and proud of me. One of the moment is just like today, mark the date of November 11th 2016, I've finished my study in Bachelor of Education in Visually Impairment Special Education in IPG Kampus Ilmu Khas.

I'm not really good in anything else, but one of the thing that I can do is study, therefore I'll study and learn and go to the highest level, as high as I could reach, to make them proud of me. Yeah, I was that little girl who easily got jealous, and now here I am, all grown up as a sophisticated lady (cheeeewah chewah :p). 

I'm gonna be the best version of an ideal daughter to them. As much as I can. InsyaAllah. 


Officially finished my study. Alhamdullilah. This would not be the first and last degree. Ya Allah, please ease my next step as a teacher of this nation.
Bi iznih, Amin!

"Mother is the students' first teacher, and teacher is the students' second mother" - Dr. Raja -

Monday, August 1, 2016

23rd

In the Name of Allah,The Most Merciful and Most Compassionate

Final year. Am breathing and relaxing. Others are getting married. ME? Getting excited over the new Harry Potter series. HA HA. 

23rd, single and happy. I pray that I have a good life, a strong heart, beautiful family and nice friends.

Alhamdulillah, thumma alhamdulillah. Allah fulfilled my wishes. Dreams come true. And human never really appreciate what they've got ey?

Relax. And be thankful. Relax and be grateful. 

There's one uncle of different grandparents once asked me about marriage. And i just smiled, (I was eating btw), with the intention to avoid the subject. Happen to be, I was at an engagement ceremony of my distant relative who's younger than me, maybe 1 or 2 years. I've no intention of telling him my future plan, no intention of telling everyone my private life, and no intention to hurt him. While i was swallowing my food, this ugly uncle said, "Hang tak laku dah ni.. (You're off market)". Gulp. This is serious man. Oh man. My anger conquered me and it feels like Voldemort casting the HAHVADAHKADAVRAHHH curse. Now I know how you feel dear Voldy...

So, since he said that, it's okay lah kan to curse him kan.no. defend myself kan.. But i..i ya..speechless. I said nothing. He continued blabbing nonsense things and repeating the taboo words. "Tak laku". And the drama began.

I went home and started crying. HAHA. I should not! Sheesh.
It hurts like mad. Honestly. Deep down, I'm still a girl. You have no right to say that to me. Laku or not, it has nothing to do with you. I'm just 23rd. LOL. So fresh and young, energetic and tough too.

Ladies and gentlemen,

I'm 23rd and studying (study+dying), and happy. I went for volunteering, I was featured in some newspapers, been to oversea for community project, did some innovations and currently am teaching the blinds.

I work. I study, so that I can get a brighter future. And I make an effort for a brighter future. I mention 'a brighter future' twice. Should i mention it again? YEAH, for my brighter future, not yours. AND, nobody will ever pay attention to that (except your family and dear ones of course). Not everyone will be happy over your success. 

"You're a girl. Get married. The earlier the better. No matter how successful you are, you'll stay in the kitchen cooking for your husband." Says the man who never know how hard it is to get a degree. 

--- 

This is a life lesson for me btw. No matter how hard you struggle for your study, you'll earn so little appreciation (Well, I don't hope for appreciation pun). Set your priorities right, plan your future, and you're good to go.

Some were blessed with early marriage, 
some were blessed with good results, 
some were blessed with cute babies, 
some were blessed with a happy family. 

Little did we know, the one that married early was once tested with a deep cut of a broken relationship in his past, 
little did we know, the one who has good results was diagnosed with cancer, 
little did we know the one who has cute babies still suffered from a Cesarean section of giving birth
little did we know, the one who has a happy family, actually has nothing on this earth, she only treasures her family! 

Let's stop comparing your life with others. You never knew the ugly skeleton hantu hiding in their closets. And you never knew the pain and the price of the struggles. Really.

Sincerely,
Tantantut the cat.

"Don't disturb my lady, or else, I'll just gigit yo fingers uncle!", said Tantan with a fierce look.
(Sleepy look actually)

Monday, July 11, 2016

Charming



The girl is loved,
by the most darling couple.

She is loved,
despite of the trouble she caused.

She is loved,
by the most charming parents.

The pair raised her,
like she's a gift from heaven.

The girl should love them,
just how she's gotten love from them.

The girl should know by then,
her tears aren't worth for anyone else.

The girl will be loved,
by the one who's worth of it,

Obviously she's too elegant,
to be handled by the wrong person.

Thursday, June 9, 2016

hanya namamu



Di lafaz pertama suara azan fajar Langkah kananku seperti dilindung Andainya tersandung rebahku bersujud Dan hanya namaMu ku puji ku sanjung Adakalanya linang air mata Tertumpah ke pipi menerima takdir Namun imanku tidak akan runtuh Ku ambil ikhtiar berdiri semula Dan hanya namaMu ku puji ku sanjung Di akhir perjalanan ini Yang mencari petunjukMu Ku doa agar kehadiran disambut Semoga namaku terdiri Di antara yang terpilih Menjadi tetamu di tamanMu nanti Setiap masa tak pernah ku lupa Sinar yang Kau beri dalam hidup ini Bila tibanya nyawaku di dunia Kau panggil kembali dengan nafas akhir Hanyalah namaMu ku puji ku sanjung Di akhir perjalanan ini Yang mencari petunjukMu Ku doa agar kehadiran disambut Semoga namaku terdiri Di antara yang terpilih Menjadi tetamu di tamanMu nanti Menjadi tetamu di tamanMu nanti

-pencari penawar-