Wednesday, February 22, 2017

Praktikum #3 - Telan Amarah

In the Name of Allah,The Most Merciful and Most Compassionate

Ada suatu ketika, saya mengajar bahasa Inggeris kepada murid Tahun 4, bernama Lala(bukan nama sebenar). Lala merupakan seorang murid autistik dan buta sepenuhnya. Dia akan memberontak apabila keinginannya tidak dipenuhi, meraung, dan merajuk lalu menyembunyikan dirinya di bawah meja.

Alhamdulillah, semasa saya mengajarnya, perangai Lala sudah banyak berubah, iaitu tidak lagi meraung dan menyembunyikan dirinya di bawah meja.

Namun, rajuknya masih menguji kesabaran tahap super saiyan.

Apabila mood Lala berubah, dia akan pasif, tidak mahu belajar dan memberontak.

Tidak mahu buat latihan Braille. (Dia sudah Darjah 4 namun masih guna Braille Gred 1, dia sepatutnya sudah menguasai Braille Gred 2)

Tidak mahu jawab soalan.

Saya masih bersabar.

Mula bermain-main dengan mesin Braille dan apa sahaja barang yang berdekatan dengannya.

Masih sabar.

Buat muka.

Sabar lagi.

Tutup telinga.

Ini sudah lebih.

Saya berasa kemarahan sudah sampai ke tahap muka merah dan mendidih di kepala. Sangat marah. Rajuknya bukan sekejap. Hampir sejam memujuk. 

Sudah hampir saya buatkan dia menangis dan tantrum dengan lebih hebat.

Pada saat saya sudah hampir sangat mahu marah, ada satu soalan yang keluar di hati saya ;

"Kalau saya marah, saya dapat apa?"

Kalau marah dan dia berubah langsung terus buat kerja dan tidak buat perangai, maka berbaloilah marah itu.

Tetapi jika saya marah, dan perkara itu makin memburukkan keadaan? Ah, sudah. Saya hanya akan dapat penuaan dan kedutan di muka.

Telan. Makanya saya telan amarah saya. Pahit benar rasanya. Beginilah rupanya rasa menelan kepahitan hidup.

Dan saya langsung mengubah perbualan yang tegang bersama Lala menjadi ceria. 

Situasi win-win. Akhirnya dia mahu membuat kerja dan saya gembira. Situasi berjaya ditangani dan meninggalkan saya satu refleksi buat diri. Antara marah dan sabar itu ada satu garis halus yang memisahkan keduanya. Kalau tidak dijentik perasaan itu, maka tenanglah ia. Namun jika dilandai ujian secara tiba-tiba, adakah marah atau sabar yang kita pilih. (Saya hampir saya memilih untuk marah, namun langsung tidak menguntungkan malah merugikan dan mengeruhkan suasana). Namun, ada beberapa faktor yang boleh membuatkan amarah saya reda.

1. Dia kanak-kanak, saya dewasa. Sepatutnya saya yang mengalah lebih dari dia. Walau ego saya tercabar namun, ego kanak-kanak masih belum terdidik, maka wajarlah saya yang rasional, bukan dia.
2. Dia ahli syurga, saya belum tentu lagi.

Jarang sekali saya benar-benar marah kepada murid, melainkan bebelan panjang (itu lain hehe). Marah ini selalu datang di saat saya sedang stres dan murid buat perangai. Pendekatan belajar untuk murid buta/rabun adalah sama dengan murid normal. Namun pendekatan bagi murid autistik dan masalah pembelajaran, beza. Sungguh berbeza. Memerlukan kesabaran yang teramat tinggi untuk mendidik mereka.

Saya pernah ceritakan kisah seorang lagi kanak-kanak autistik dalam Praktikum 1. Murid ini tidak dapat menguruskan diri dengan baik walaupun sudah darjah 3. Menjadilah saya tukang basuh dia pada hari tersebut. Menariknya murid ini, Afiq, dia selalu menghiburkan hati saya dan guru-guru lain. Saya ajarkannya sebuah lagu pendek mengikut lirik Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer;

Saya kereta api,
saya boleh bawa orang,
saya ada gerabak,
gerabak saya panjang~~

Afiq telah menggubah lagu ini kepada lirik lain ;

Saya kereta api,
saya boleh bawa...(krik krik, dia berfikir seketika..)
saya boleh bawa cikguuuu! Cikgu nak ikut tak?
saya ada gerabak,
gerabak saya panjang~~

Penghibur hati. Pencuri hati. Benarlah, kanak-kanak memang ahli syurga. Mendamaikan tangkai jantung hati dengan keletah mereka. Haih.

Makanya, menjadilah saya seorang Syafawani yang masih belajar untuk telan amarah. InsyaAllah.


Monday, February 6, 2017

Blessing in Disguise

In the Name of Allah,The Most Merciful and Most Compassionate

"Things happened, and sometimes, mistakes happened only to be replaced with better things. That is called, 'Blessing in Disguise'. "
-Ayah-

Alhamdullilah, another step closer towards dream come true. Upon achieving that dream, obstacle is a must. Been waiting for months for an interview as a teacher in the government school, I've got a confirmation from the interview portal at last, on the 18th of January.

The first shocking news was that, I would be interviewed in Kedah, instead of Putrajaya (I've requested Putrajaya). I was a lil bit depressed upon this matter. Okay la, Kedah also can.

The second shocking news was that, I should be interviewed on the 5th of February, as written on my interview slip.

No.
Well, no. They (SPP) said, I should be interviewed on the 6th of February..

My name was not in the system. (T,T)

I didn't know how this thing happened, but they missed my name. The officer on duty told me in the most apologetic manner, "I'm sorry..I don't know how this is even possible to be happening to you..but you really have to come tomorrow for the interview.."

I was hungry + I was nervous + I was tired = I'm so sad that my knees felt so jelly-like.

It happened to be that, the night before my interview, I reached home at 12 midnight due to attending a far-away wedding of my cousin, I barely had a tidur ayam sleep for two hours, and started preparing for everything at 4am. I went to Kedah from Penang at 5am to avoid traffic jam. I was the first to arrived even before Subuh prayer time, and you're telling me to come tomorrow? You must be joking Spp.. you did break my heart and shattered them into pieces. Hmm.

But, again..Allah is kind. He did send some samaritans who keep cheering me up, giving me hope and sending motivational messages. I really appreciate each one of them. I've met a Chinese friend (on the 5th) who did console me and keep supporting me when I was rushing all over the places to solve the issue (with the pufffy eyes lol). And as for today, that girl of whom I just met yesterday for like 2 hours, did send me a cute message to wish me luck. I was blessed with caring friends who keep asking me about the interview, Ummi, Kak Mun, Maisarah, Syu ex-rumet, tirah ex-rumet, Ija, Ras (and you)..they did all the thing to console and comfort me. And..the best thing is that, my classmates never forget me too, they keep wishing me and watching my back even when some of them have been posted to the school..and, my big family members also do wish and pray for me..Like seriously, what did I really do to deserve this kindness.. Allah did send send these angelic people to support me in that horrible time..when I was in need.

Really, everything did happen for thousands of reasons. For all of the obstacles that I've went thru, there were blessings that Allah wanted to show me.

Alhamdulillah, my interview today went well. The panel of my interview was Dato Haji Sufaat bin Tumin and Puan Nuraina (Guru/Pensyarah Cemerlang Pend.Khas). They were really kind and their questions were answerable. They're supportive and did help us a lot in answering their questions. I was blessed with good interviewers and very nice interview mates.

I'm forever indebted to my interview mates, as we did our best to support each other in that interview sesh. May Allah bless all of you. :) May we get posted the best place we ever wished for.

And above all of those people, I thanked Allah the most for the most lovable parents in my world, ibu and ayah, for waiting patiently for me, from dawn to mid day. From 6 am to 1.30 pm. That's very long.. (well, they did go to makan-makan and jalan-jalan around Kedah without me haha). But really, they sacrificed their time for me..for two days! They've done more than enough..they really did a lot for their children.. It's time to make them proud of me, it's time to let them rest and I'll be doing the work for them. Will work the best for them so that I can make sure they lived a happy life in their old days. May Allah bless them forever.

Indeed, all of these are blessings in disguise. Mistakes happened only to be replaced with even much more better things. Alhamdulillah.
I hope, this profession that I have chosen since 6 years ago will never be something that I would regret for the entire life of mine. It is indeed, a work that will tire me out, but I will never leave this passion of mine. I love teaching, and forever will. May Allah bless this effort of looking for his mercy in this fardhu kifayah occupation.

May Allah bless me, and you.

"If you really understand how Special Education works, it is not easy. It is indeed, very difficult. But you, as future teachers, really need to do something for the Special Kids. They really need you. So, when you got posted, do your very best!" -Pn, Aina-

I will, insyaAllah.

Updated : Tips Temuduga SPP