The Healer

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Teaching is a profession that demands patience, love and courage. I just love my bubbly kids.

Monday, August 1, 2016

23rd

In the Name of Allah,The Most Merciful and Most Compassionate

Final year. Am breathing and relaxing. Others are getting married. ME? Getting excited over the new Harry Potter series. HA HA. 

23rd, single and happy. I pray that I have a good life, a strong heart, beautiful family and nice friends.

Alhamdulillah, thumma alhamdulillah. Allah fulfilled my wishes. Dreams come true. And human never really appreciate what they've got ey?

Relax. And be thankful. Relax and be grateful. 

There's one uncle of different grandparents once asked me about marriage. And i just smiled, (I was eating btw), with the intention to avoid the subject. Happen to be, I was at an engagement ceremony of my distant relative who's younger than me, maybe 1 or 2 years. I've no intention of telling him my future plan, no intention of telling everyone my private life, and no intention to hurt him. While i was swallowing my food, this ugly uncle said, "Hang tak laku dah ni.. (You're off market)". Gulp. This is serious man. Oh man. My anger conquered me and it feels like Voldemort casting the HAHVADAHKADAVRAHHH curse. Now I know how you feel dear Voldy...

So, since he said that, it's okay lah kan to curse him kan.no. defend myself kan.. But i..i ya..speechless. I said nothing. He continued blabbing nonsense things and repeating the taboo words. "Tak laku". And the drama began.

I went home and started crying. HAHA. I should not! Sheesh.
It hurts like mad. Honestly. Deep down, I'm still a girl. You have no right to say that to me. Laku or not, it has nothing to do with you. I'm just 23rd. LOL. So fresh and young, energetic and tough too.

Ladies and gentlemen,

I'm 23rd and studying (study+dying), and happy. I went for volunteering, I was featured in some newspapers, been to oversea for community project, did some innovations and currently am teaching the blinds.

I work. I study, so that I can get a brighter future. And I make an effort for a brighter future. I mention 'a brighter future' twice. Should i mention it again? YEAH, for my brighter future, not yours. AND, nobody will ever pay attention to that (except your family and dear ones of course). Not everyone will be happy over your success. 

"You're a girl. Get married. The earlier the better. No matter how successful you are, you'll stay in the kitchen cooking for your husband." Says the man who never know how hard it is to get a degree. 

--- 

This is a life lesson for me btw. No matter how hard you struggle for your study, you'll earn so little appreciation (Well, I don't hope for appreciation pun). Set your priorities right, plan your future, and you're good to go.

Some were blessed with early marriage, 
some were blessed with good results, 
some were blessed with cute babies, 
some were blessed with a happy family. 

Little did we know, the one that married early was once tested with a deep cut of a broken relationship in his past, 
little did we know, the one who has good results was diagnosed with cancer, 
little did we know the one who has cute babies still suffered from a Cesarean section of giving birth
little did we know, the one who has a happy family, actually has nothing on this earth, she only treasures her family! 

Let's stop comparing your life with others. You never knew the ugly skeleton hantu hiding in their closets. And you never knew the pain and the price of the struggles. Really.

Sincerely,
Tantantut the cat.

"Don't disturb my lady, or else, I'll just gigit yo fingers uncle!", said Tantan with a fierce look.
(Sleepy look actually)

Monday, July 11, 2016

Charming



The girl is loved,
by the most darling couple.

She is loved,
despite of the trouble she caused.

She is loved,
by the most charming parents.

The pair raised her,
like she's a gift from heaven.

The girl should love them,
just how she's gotten love from them.

The girl should know by then,
her tears aren't worth for anyone else.

The girl will be loved,
by the one who's worth of it,

Obviously she's too elegant,
to be handled by the wrong person.

Thursday, June 9, 2016

hanya namamu



Di lafaz pertama suara azan fajar Langkah kananku seperti dilindung Andainya tersandung rebahku bersujud Dan hanya namaMu ku puji ku sanjung Adakalanya linang air mata Tertumpah ke pipi menerima takdir Namun imanku tidak akan runtuh Ku ambil ikhtiar berdiri semula Dan hanya namaMu ku puji ku sanjung Di akhir perjalanan ini Yang mencari petunjukMu Ku doa agar kehadiran disambut Semoga namaku terdiri Di antara yang terpilih Menjadi tetamu di tamanMu nanti Setiap masa tak pernah ku lupa Sinar yang Kau beri dalam hidup ini Bila tibanya nyawaku di dunia Kau panggil kembali dengan nafas akhir Hanyalah namaMu ku puji ku sanjung Di akhir perjalanan ini Yang mencari petunjukMu Ku doa agar kehadiran disambut Semoga namaku terdiri Di antara yang terpilih Menjadi tetamu di tamanMu nanti Menjadi tetamu di tamanMu nanti

-pencari penawar-

Friday, August 28, 2015

Cocoon

In the Name of Allah,The Most Merciful and Most Compassionate

Practicum Phase 2. Smile, breathe. I'm alive, yeah. Alhamdulillah.

Thank Allah, I survived. :)

I am now tasting (what a weird vocab, sorry for that. It's merasai in BM lol), the real tough, rough, harsh and mean life. Above all, Allah is there for me - now and then, forever, and in believing that, I feel like I can live for  a long time. Don't get me wrong, I didn't mean to say that I am certain till when I am going to live - but it's a way of expressing my gratitude to Him, that without believing in faith, I think I am already dead by the burden of work I am having right now. I work like a horse, barely have a good sleep, went to school with panda eyes, been observed in the classes by the lecturer and teacher 3 days non-stop, have tuition, training and private tutor time some more during preparation classes, lesson plans, teaching aids, plus non-stop school programmes and  bringing students to various places for lots of reasons, and.. and I couldn't list everything else. Just too much. That says for work - other matters are all around the corner waiting and coming approaching - and which, for a little moment in my life, I came to a narrow-minded conclusion, I'm not ready to be an adult. Haha.

Life is harsh. Being a teacher is hard, yes. Thanks to all of my teachers - for every little thing u did to me, I can feel them now. I can see why excellent students refused to be a teacher, even if you're brainy, without courage and patience and passion and love and consideration, you wouldn't make it. Dealing with kids and their parents are way more challenging than dealing with adults or machines. Different. Very. What more dealing with special kids. I run out of tissue when I cried while facing hard times with them haha. They're cute but for that cuteness, I have to pay more than anyone else. 

When I expect less, I'll be at ease because less is always more. In fact, I have to alwayssss set my expectation at the lowest point. What do you expect from teaching a multiple handicapped child.. I can say that I expect he can managed himself by the time he reached 12, but that alone seems impossible. What else to do then? All you have to do is love, unconditionally. Accept just how he is. Just love him. He is one of a kind that would be accepted into Jannah for sure. Anak syurga. Believing in that - I cried. :) Allah has created him like that for reasons. Oh, I don't resent of being a teacher. No. I'm just sharing the small pain of one month and a half experiencing the life of a teacher. 

Somehow, kids are the antidotes of the pain they made. 

True. While I struggled like mad of trying to solve one problem, they could cause another problem right away. Sigh. Why are you guys doing this to me T.T I think I won't grow up as an adult if I choose to be a teacher forever haha. I remain in my youth lifestyle hanging out with my little friends, drinking Vitagen and watching cartoon during Saturdays and do homework at night. Nice. It feels like taking care of too many siblings at a time. 

And, I know that there could be a problem while dealing with a relationship while working. Some says that, when you have a family and kids, work is a rest. Hmm, that could be true. Dealing with stress ad relationship is a mess. Really need to work that out. In the future, things could get worse than I can ever imagine. I am still not prepared for the worst. My bad. People at my age usually are thinking of a good relationship, balancing their work with their relationship and looking forward to settle down. Me? No way. Haha. I can't even think about it. Too busy to even be bothered with. Suits me, a heartless teacher who lives in a cocoon. Soon to be a 5 days-worth-living-butterfly at school then sleep in my cocoon for 2-days. And the cycle rotates every week. Haha, joke. That's why knowledge is important. Knowing that there's so many hardships are coming thru, by having, understanding and practicing religious knowledge, we'll survived no matter how. And for that matter, that requires a lot of sacrifices. Gain knowledge and learn to give more, is what I'm trying to do. Which is not as easy as one could think of. Easier said than done. Yeah.

Life is an open door to a new chapter of life. Being a student, i learn to become a teacher, being a teacher, it leads me to another brand new thing of life, and living in this life - it develops me into a human being. Alhamdulillah, I can still benefit others. The best human of all is the one who benefits others right. It's a hadith :) Thinking and relating to that hadith also soothes away my pain, every problems seem so small when you believe that Allah is near, He is watching.

Kata Imam Syafie RA : "Siapa yang tak sanggup menahan lelahnya belajar, maka dia akan merasa peritnya menanggung kebodohan"

There's a price I have to pay for learning. It's never for free.

Syafa himnaeseyo, Syafa gwenchanayo ~~

Conclusion, I need a vacation (even tho Malaysia currency is dropping, Singapore seems so near to JB, so, I'm not wasting this chance away,baby haha)

Thanks Albus